The Pendle Press - Heat Returns; Local Spirits Decline to Rise

Reports received overnight suggest that sheet ghosts across the region have once again adopted unusually flat positions as temperatures begin to rise.

This behaviour is generally considered a response to excessive warmth rather than a sign of illness, melancholy or structural collapse.

Ghosts found stretched across floors, beneath tables or immediately beside open doorways should not be disturbed unless they appear to be blocking an important route.